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November 02, 2016

Haven’t wrote in a hot minute. I love to write tho but that has nothing to do with this. So where do I start. Do I start with the long conversations over text or do I just cut to the chase that I was partying too much and didn’t realize what it was doing to me ?? I guess I’ll start with the partying. Two years ago I was hiding vodka in a water bottle and taking it to work each day because I hate where my life was at and I was too much of a coward to make a change. Luckily for me, my personal videos caught the attention of others that already had a platform and they took me away from that bad habit and that job all at once. Fast forward two years and my life is beyond anything I have ever dreamed of, working for some of the biggest names in the music industry, have 3 videos generating over 500 million views alone, and get to live a dream life…BUT i was always on tour, always around a party, always partaking because I was on cloud 9.

However, for about the last 6 months, I have noticed that I found myself depressed more often, insecure about my work, and second guessing what I’m doing in general…but it makes no sense, how can a guy like me who is cranking out successful content for legendary artists be depressed, insecure and second guessing himself ????

Well we already know the answer because I’ve already referenced it A LOT but…I was lost in a deep text conversation with a friend named Yasmine, for those of you that don’t know her, she’s in singer songwriter DJ in the group Krewella, a group that gave me my first job in the EDM scene that jump started my career. Anyways, I was being vulnerable to her and opening up about my problems and insecurities and how I was finding myself blocked as an artist (yeah i was finding myself blocked even tho I just put out a music video for Bieber that already had over 100 million views). I was able to create but I was blind in my vision, i was insecure in my execution, and no one could see it but me. After hours of text exchanges back and forth we addressed the issue was I had been partying way more than normal (I mean I did just get done inventing Motherbirding to the social platform). Yasmine had asked if I had ever thought of taking a break…I told her that I was currently at my lake house about to partake in the biggest drinking holiday known as 4th of July…so keeping to tradition, I out partied everyone on the lake and documented it on my GoPro for the highly anticipated Lake Life 4 that my cult YouTube subscribers have been begging for since I have neglected them by only producing videos for my clients instead of the reason i started making content in the first place…myself.

Lets cut to the chase…its 4:28am in Austria and my alarm is set for 4:30am when Justin Bieber facetimes me. After he greets me with a giant smiling hello, he asks me if Ive been drinking a lot. I said yes, I just left the lake after July 4th (the thing with Justin, I always wonder if he has my phone tapped because he always reaches out when I’m at my lowest). He then told me he was giving up alcohol for a month (he referenced this on an Instagram post by stating he went out but didn’t drink) and he was a week and a half in and wanted to know if I would do it with him, he said we could hold each other accountable. I agreed and we talked about the shows I would be filming in New York to close his USA tour out and then we talked about a special project I had coming up for my own.

Throughout the month, we exchanged text messages checking in on eachother. I texted him…see picture below.

I made it through an entire month made up of multiple shows with endless alcohol with some of my best friends, a wedding with my lake friends, and shots offered from random people that wanted to just party with me.

In the end, I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I am capable of making a change in my life. I learned that I have two amazing friends that care about me. I learned that I needed to make a change for my artist side. There are plenty of other things I can list but its 1am and I want to edit my dream project that Ive been teasing people about but can’t say what it is…HA !!!

What I will say is I’m grateful for my friends Yasmine for planting this idea in my head and for Justin for making me tag along on his month long challenge.

Here is a picture of Yasmine and I cheers’ing to a beer after a long month of no alcohol…she just finished 3 months no alcohol. Justin made it a month as well. So I’m trying to conclude this blog post with an ending, I guess what I’m saying is even i struggle at times but its important to keep strong people around you and believe in yourself. This past month has taught me a lot and has made me a better person and has showed me I can do anything I set me mind too.